


Just A Little Closer

by Auggusst



Series: The Soldier And The Scientist [26]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Clint Barton's Farm, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Insomnia, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Sharing a Bed, Sleepy Conversations, Sleepy Kisses, Spooning, Tony Stark Has Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:21:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27459388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Auggusst/pseuds/Auggusst
Summary: Tony can't seem to sleep in the bed he and Steve are sharing at Clint's house. He's got too much on his mind. Steve manages to help him calm down, talk things out, so they can both get some rest.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: The Soldier And The Scientist [26]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/468745
Comments: 15
Kudos: 133





	Just A Little Closer

**Author's Note:**

> I've always wanted to do more AoU stuff and I probably have at least one more AoU piece in me somewhere but for now here we are! A follow-up to the shower scene. I'm really fond of the Sex At Clint's House trope but it wasn't right for the context of this series. Honestly quinjet sex is more appropriate lol. Maybe I'll run with that idea at some point. Anyway, enjoy!

The bed was small.

Well, it was a lot smaller than their bed at home. The mattress kind of sucked, and the sheets were anything but expensive, but hell, he’d spend three months on a cot in an Afghan cave before, so the brunet couldn’t complain too much.

Tony had always thought a good bed was high on the list of priorities in life, especially after 2008, even if he didn’t always make it to his bed, crashed on the futon in his workshop or lab instead. His bed at home was massive, with a good mattress, and soft sheets, and you could sink into it so easily, let it soothe your aching body. It had plenty of room for him and Steve, and was one of his best purchases. His sleep was hardly ever truly restful, but having a good foundation definitely helped him clock out for at least a few hours every night.

The bed he was in now wasn’t like his bed at home. It was a full sized bed, for one, which meant that there wasn’t a lot of room to begin with, and he was sharing it with Steve, which meant there wasn’t any room at all. It was times like this that he was actually thankful for his height, for their size difference. It made it easier to lay together, with Steve pressed against his back and following the curve of his body. The soldier’s arm was slung over his waist, heavy, familiar, almost like a seatbelt. Tony felt like he needed one.

They’d had quite a talk in the shower earlier, but hadn’t said much to each other in private since. Clint’s wife had been kind enough to provide them with some dinner, but Tony could hardly eat. The team was exhausted, ate in near silence, and then everyone retreated to their appropriate guest rooms intent on getting rest.

Tony still got the sense that Steve was mad at him. He got the sense that _everyone_ was mad at him. Some of them made that very clear from the start, and Steve probably would have too if he didn’t know how shaken Tony was. They’d fallen into bed a few hours ago with only a few words exchanged, nothing substantial, and nothing lighthearted like usual.

The scientist couldn’t sleep.

That wasn’t entirely out of the ordinary, but right now it was detrimental to his performance and his sanity. He couldn’t stop thinking about it all. So many of his past mistakes already haunted him, and this week he’d given himself more ghosts. God, couldn’t he do anything _right_? He didn’t think so, and neither did everyone else. They placed the blame all on him (but it wasn’t just him who did it! Bruce did it too! Ultron was the combination of both of their intellects. He belonged to both of them!) which wasn’t all too surprising, but didn’t make anything easier.

Tony had been the scapegoat more than once in his life, more than once on the _team_ , and he was starting to wonder if it was worth it, if he could keep doing this. Why should he, if every decision, every good intention, every good deed was punished? Why should he keep trying? He was exhausted. He just was. He felt like he was constantly fighting a losing battle, and despite Steve’s insistence that they _were_ a team, it was difficult to keep that in mind in times like this. Sometimes, Tony wanted out.

He knew he couldn’t give up though. His conscience wouldn’t let him, after everything that had happened in his life, and that made it so much more frustrating.

Fate was a real asshole.

He could deal with people being angry with him. He could deal with people hating him too. Plenty of people did. What he couldn’t deal with was _Steve_ hating him, and though the blond loved him enough still to share a bed, to come checking on him in the shower after they landed, Tony couldn’t help but feel like he’d ruined everything, like he had caused a rift between them that could never be repaired.

He knew he was just being paranoid. He was paranoid about _everything_ at the moment, which was why even in the safety of Steve’s grasp, his limbs were stiff with tension, and his eyes were darting back and forth in the dark room, trying to turn arbitrary shapes into sweeping shadows, into enemies.

Tony tried not to move. He didn’t want to disturb Steve, wanted the soldier to get his rest, because at least one of them needed to be alert for making plans tomorrow, but Tony couldn’t help but wish he was feeling better.

He let out a loud sigh before he could stop himself, so preoccupied with his thoughts. He grimaced in the dark as Steve stirred behind him, and the arm around his waist tightened a little.

“Can’t sleep?” Steve muttered behind him.

“Can’t relax enough to sleep. I feel like I’m gonna jump out of my skin,” Tony admitted. He heaved another sigh.

Steve was quiet for a moment. He didn’t know exactly what to say, and he was still half-asleep, honestly. At the end of the day he was a soldier, and could make himself sleep pretty much anywhere during a mission. It was at home, when there was nothing going on, that he struggled to get his body to cooperate, that his thoughts ran wild or his sleep sometimes ended up troubled.

Tony didn’t have that luck. His sleep was troubled _everywhere_. Some nights he got off easy, or tired himself out so much that his body didn’t have another choice but to shut down. Sometimes he had good runs where he didn’t have a nightmare for weeks, and fell asleep in under an hour, but Steve doubted Tony would have that luck now.

Some small part of him felt vindicated at the fact the brunet was having a hard time sleeping; he’d gotten them into this mess. His pride, his stupidity was the reason they were in a goddamn tiny guest bed instead of their massive, familiar king. Some tiny part of him thought it was appropriate that Tony’s body was punishing him. But he knew that wasn’t fair. He knew Tony hadn’t meant for any of this to happen, that he would never want to do anything to hurt the team, or the entire world. He’d just made a mistake, that they all, unfortunately, were forced to contend with now.

The blond let out a sigh of his own, pulled Tony firmer against him. “No jumping out of skin allowed,” he said finally.

“It’d make everything so much easier,” Tony protested, hiding his face in the crook of his arm.

“I wouldn’t want to hold you like this if you didn’t have any skin,” Steve mumbled casually. “And then where would we be?”

Tony frowned a little. _‘I can’t believe you want to hold me at all right now,’_ he thought to himself, but kept quiet instead.

Steve noticed the lack of response.

“Turn around,” he said, and scooted back an inch or two as best he could without falling off the bed.

He’d been surprised they fit on it together at all. Steve wasn’t small, by any means, and Tony was of average height, even if he looked small next to Steve. Even pressed together they took up a lot of room. There was a reason they had big beds back at the tower.

The brunet hesitated just a second, and did as instructed, flipped over on the bed so he was facing Steve.

Steve’s face was tired, but somewhat sympathetic. His hair was disheveled, and he still had a little bruise on his cheek from the fight earlier. The sight filled Tony with that much more guilt, even in the lowlight of the moon peaking through the blinds. He averted his gaze.

Steve looked him over. He took in the crease of Tony’s brow, the bags under his eyes, and how they were still a little puffy from the tears he’d shed earlier. His lips were turned in a frown, and he looked miserable. Steve didn’t think words would comfort Tony right now. They had barely done the job in the shower earlier, just did enough to give the brunet the strength to face dinner.

What could Steve say right now anyway? They were in the middle of a huge mess, with no plan, no leads. It was the middle of the night, Thor was gone, everyone was upset, they had a major target painted on their backs, and the world wasn’t looking at them favorably at the moment. Getting rest, feeling like themselves and clearing their heads was the main priority.

Steve pulled Tony a little closer again. The brunet let his hand slip up Steve’s back, his fingers grasping the soldier’s t-shirt in response.

He tried to take comfort in the feeling of Steve’s body against him, the knowledge that he was still here, that he wasn’t going anywhere, despite the mistakes, and the way they’d argued when all of this started. They argued a lot lately, thanks to stress, and he’d hoped to break the combative streak, but he’d only escalated it thanks to three unfortunate days in his lab.

He may not have acted alone in Ultron’s creation, but he was starting to feel alone in the guilt.

But Steve was still here, and they had a job to do, a problem to solve. Tony had to be able to solve it. If he got everyone into this mess, he could get them out, right? He hoped so. Maybe they’d forgive him then, and wouldn’t be so quick to lay blame the next time. But then again, he wouldn’t be surprised if his own creation would destroy everything he held dear, would drive his teammates and his partner away from him permanently. It felt like poetic justice.

Ultron. Fucking Ultron. Why did Tony think he could do something good? Why did he think he could get one step ahead of whatever was coming? Why did he ever think he would be that lucky? And the way the damn thing _looked_. There was something about the robot’s appearance that was just supremely unsettling. His movements were _too_ natural, the cadence of his voice casual and too familiar. Looking at Ultron was like looking into a twisted mirror, and the thought made Tony’s entire body tense, made his lungs seize momentarily. He let out a sudden harsh breath.

He tried not to think about it now. He was safe for the moment, in a bed, with Steve, and that was all that should matter for a few hours.

Steve thought the same thing. The hand around Tony’s waist curled up his body in response to his sudden discomfort, dragging Tony that much closer with it, until Steve could brush his fingers through the tufts of hair at the nape of the scientist’s neck. That always seemed to help him a little bit.

Tony let out a little sigh at the touch. His eyes searched Steve’s face, for signs of irritation or disappointment or anger like he’d seen at the start of this mess, but they were absent for the moment. He looked tired, but his eyes were watching Tony intently, as if he could will away Tony’s anxiety with just a look. Tony was thankful for it, for the attempt.

“I really love you,” he said, voice barely above a whisper. “You have no idea how much.”

He didn’t think he’d ever be able to put into words just how much Steve meant to him, how much their relationship did. It wasn’t perfect by any means, and he was still terrified that it was swiftly coming to an end, but he really hoped it wasn’t. He really hoped he had a lot more time, all the time in the world, and that the blond would continue to be his. He didn’t know if he could go back to living a life without Steve in it. He thought he’d rather die before that happened.

He thought about his vision again, the one where Steve lay bloody at his feet, _because_ of him, and a lump grew in his throat. The memory was still so vivid, so harsh, and Tony hated it so much. He struggled to force it back down. “I—I just want you to know that,” he added.

The soldier’s heart clenched a little. Tony wasn’t exactly shy about speaking his mind, or his feelings, but the most earnest declarations were always spoken like this, with just the two of them, whenever the brunet was feeling vulnerable. Steve couldn’t fathom what was running through his mind exactly, what made his voice change pitch just slightly, what made the hand grasping his shirt tighten a fraction, but he didn’t have to know to feel the insistence, the complexity of his partner’s emotions. Tony was making it really difficult to stay angry, at least for the moment. He had a way of twisting Steve’s heartstrings, clouding his judgment. He supposed it went both ways though.

Oh well. Steve could always be angry later.

For now, he leaned forward, closed the last few inches of distance between them, and kissed Tony. It was just a slight brush of their lips, really, something unspeakably tender, but even so he could feel the brunet relax against him just a little bit. Tony kissed him back, a proper kiss this time, and Steve’s eyes slipped closed. He was still tired, and eager to sleep again, but kissing Tony was always a welcome substitute.

The kiss didn’t last that long, because Tony didn’t really want to keep Steve from sleeping in the first place even if he couldn’t, but it still felt really nice. The last time they’d kissed was at the party, before all of this. It felt good to kiss Steve again, to know that he was still allowed that luxury. Steve had made mistakes in the past too, been on the receiving end of Tony’s ire, but none of that ever mattered when they made up, when they came back together again. The brunet hoped they were at that point now.

When Tony pulled back, Steve pressed a soft kiss to his forehead. “I love you too,” he said, finally responding to the brunet’s last spoken words. He could never leave the words unspoken, especially at a time like this, with things so tense. “I’ll always love you. You know that, right?”

It was true. He doubted there was anything Tony could do that would truly turn Steve away from him, that would ever be powerful enough to permanently negate his affection. The way Tony made Steve feel was incredible, and sometimes a little overwhelming, and full of trouble, but he wouldn’t trade it for anything. He’d realized that today, when that Maximoff girl gave him his vision.

He’d often dreamt about getting his dance with Peggy in the past, finding his way back to her, but that was a long time ago, and he’d made his peace with it. He was glad to hear about the life she’d made for herself, and he had started to build a life for himself now too. It wasn’t perfect, and it was crazy and weird, and he could never have anticipated any of it, but he liked it.

His dreams were different now, and _he_ was different. The concept of going back to the past now, of giving up everything he had here, was more of a nightmare than a dream. He suspected that’s why he’d seen it, why the thought was haunting him. He tried to ignore it, had done so successfully earlier when he needed to sleep, and would keep ignoring it now in favor of looking at his boyfriend.

The relief in Tony’s eyes was clear even in the darkness. He smiled just for a moment, but then his face grew sullen again, and he stared down at Steve’s chest. His heart was still hammering anxiously, his thoughts running a mile a minute.

God, he wished he hadn’t fucked up so spectacularly.

“I’m sorry. I’m… It wasn’t supposed to be like this.”

Steve exhaled softly. Tony didn’t toss out apologies lightly. He was prideful, they both were, so whenever the words were spoken, Steve knew they were earnest. “I know.”

“I….You’re not mad?”

“Of course I’m mad,” the blond replied, and he was. He was plenty irritated, would be until all of this was over and maybe then some, and he wasn’t going to pretend otherwise. His emotions were multifaceted though, had always been when it came to Tony. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t love you.”

Tony considered that for a moment. He managed a little thoughtful hum in reply.

Steve rubbed his back, slipped his hand under the brunet’s shirt. He dragged his hand up and down Tony’s skin soothingly. “Is that a good hmm or bad hmm?” he prodded.

“Def-definitely good,” Tony said, nodding. A little chill ran up his spine at Steve’s touch. “I-I just…I can’t turn it off. My brain. This whole thing makes me feel like a screw is jammed between my gears. The pressure is mounting and eventually it’s going to snap.”

Steve understood that feeling all too well. They had a major responsibility to the world in general, and now that they’d thrown it into peril, it was their job to fix it. That was a lot of pressure, especially for people like them, with the eyes of every nation on them. They couldn’t afford to lose. They couldn’t afford to fuck up.

“We’ll figure it out before that point,” the soldier assured him. He stifled a yawn.

“If you say so…” Tony muttered, unconvinced.

“I do say so. Now come here and be quiet.”

Tony snuggled a little closer, tucked his head under Steve’s chin. It did feel really nice, made him feel a little less frantic. He wasn’t sure if he’d be able to sleep really, but he could try. Steve’s arms enveloped him, warm and familiar. If Tony closed his eyes, he could pretend they were back at home instead of in a tiny bed at Barton’s farm.

“Who lives on a farm these days anyway?” he thought, but he’d apparently muttered it out loud instead, because Steve snorted.

“Not everyone is a city boy like you and me,” Steve replied, a little amused.

Tony huffed a little, got more comfortable. His heart rate was starting to reach a normal level again, and he was thankful for it. “It’s too quiet here. I miss people screaming down on the streets.”

“Don’t forget the honking cars.”

The scientist sighed wistfully. “There’s no place like home,” he said. He wished they were home.

Hopefully, all of this would be sorted out sooner rather than later. He wanted nothing more than to be back in their king, curled up in the soft sheets, with no plans and no worries, like their last date night. That was three weeks ago though, and something told Tony he wouldn’t be getting another one anytime soon.

At least he had Steve himself. The conversation they’d just had put him a little more at ease than before too, and he was thankful for it.

“Honk Honk,” he muttered, and lifted his hand to brush back Steve’s bangs lovingly. The soldier’s eyes were already closed, but he chased the touch, lifted his head a little to follow it, and that made Tony happy. “Go back to sleep,” he ordered.

“Yes sir,” Steve replied, and within minutes, was out like a light again.

It took Tony longer to fall asleep. He couldn’t help but think about the recent events, about the future too. He couldn’t help but think about the vision he’d been given, how broken and weak Steve was, how hurt he sounded, asking Tony why he hadn’t done more to save them all. He never wanted to relive it, and never wanted to see it come to fruition.

Tony would do everything in his power to save them all, from whatever was out there. He would do what he had to in order to save _everyone_ , even if it cost him his life. He thought it’d be a fair trade, after all the misery he’d caused. If it would end with Steve safe and happy, it’d be well worth it.

For now, he had to gather his strength, sort out his mind, so he could start planning. Eventually, with that goal in mind, he drifted off, cradled in Steve’s arms, and thankfully didn’t wake up again until morning.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! Please leave a comment so we can talk about this fic!


End file.
